[fg42lol]

So, I'm sitting at a hole in the wall coffee shop on a date with a relative stranger, and things were going pretty well. There was a little bit of a connection, and there wasn't any of that awkward first date first-date-talk (eg. Weather, Job, Childhood, Daddy issues), I however was on edge. I was surrounded. Have you ever seen one of those horror movies with horde or hive minded vicious creatures, where the protagonist finds their way into the den with their flashlight failing them, only to flicker, reveling those HORRIBLE creatures? THAT is how I felt. She picked the place, She picked that ironic judgmental den. Now - if you know me, than you understand that and why I hate hipsters. I could give you the specifics in details, but I'll give you the short-of-the-long.

1) Smug
2) Pretentious
3) A Contradiction
4) Dependent
5) And ABOVE ALL. COMPLETELY HUMORLESS.

1-4 are completely forgivable, hell- 1-3 describes me to the T, however 5 is UNFORGIVABLE.

I give this woman the once over, and feared the worst

Knitted cap
Gauged ears
shallow V-neck
Orange pants?!

It was time for the test......

FG "So what's your favorite band?"
HipsterGirl "The Muffs."
FG "Never heard of them"
HipsterGirl "I didn't think you would have."

This girl just insulted me. What does she think, she's Better'n me?!

FG "So, Do you work?"
HipsterGirl "I just moved up, I was a barista"
FG "Did you work in one of those trendy hole-in-the-wall coffee shops?"
HipsterGirl "Starbucks"

Ok, ok-ok. I can live with that.

FG "So why did you move up anyway?"
Hipstergirl "To go to school."
FG "Just starting?"
HipsterGirl "I'm an art-major out of San Francisco State"

Are my worst fears confirmed?! How could it be? How did I not see this? I'm sitting across from this dirty hipster, and I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW?! Is this where my flashlight flicks to life reveling the six foot tall queen hive creature, mouth agape, primed to tear my face off?

This is it, All in- All or nothing.

FG "So do you drink PBR?"
HipsterGirl "I don't care"
FG "Really?"
HipsterGirl "Whatever"

DIRECT HIT. HOLYSHITWHATAMIDOINGWITHTHISF*CKINGHIPSTER?!

Wait... I'm looking at this all wrong....

Hipster women are skittish. You show me a normal guy dating a hipster chick, and I'll show you my unicorn farm. All I would need to do is assert my normality and manhood at the same time, I could be a LOCAL LEGEND! Normal guy! Tamer of Blow-hard Hipster women! Reforming the savages, reintegrating them back into society and the real world! I WOULD BE A HERO

But then.....

HipsterGirl "So - I'm just going to let you know, that band on your shirt is a corporate whore, and the shirt is made in Malaysia by underpaid child laborers."
FG "I'm just going to let you know- that if you EVER disrespect IRON MAIDEN again, Demons will EAT YOUR INNARDS HIPSTER SCUM!"

I didn't say that part, but GOD DAMN IT, She disrespected Maiden. Who does that? Really?

[SWAT Zombie]

She sounds like a fookin' nightmare.

[fg42lol]

Fucking Hipsters.

[Underdude]

How the hell did you meet her? Maybe you missed something.
That's what I like about being married.........NO DATING

[DarthJoe8]

Underdude, on 23 September 2011 - 07:01 PM, said:

How the hell did you meet her? Maybe you missed something.
That's what I like about being married.........NO DATING

And nookie anytime you want it.

[fg42lol]

Underdude, on 23 September 2011 - 07:01 PM, said:

How the hell did you meet her? Maybe you missed something.
That's what I like about being married.........NO DATING

I met her at the Thunderbird Squire Room in Redding Ca, the dark bar I go to sulk and drink cheap whiskey drinks.

[Morbidfilm]

hey, as long as the shirts remain under $20, keep those kids working!

[Underdude]

Yup, but I don't want it.

fg42lol, on 23 September 2011 - 07:18 PM, said:

Underdude, on 23 September 2011 - 07:01 PM, said:

How the hell did you meet her? Maybe you missed something.
That's what I like about being married.........NO DATING

I met her at the Thunderbird Squire Room in Redding Ca, the dark bar I go to sulk and drink cheap whiskey drinks.

Cheap whiskey? It's your fault then.

[Victor Clark]

Yeah, I'm a student at a State college, and this is probably the only place in the Ozarks that has Hipsters. I see them all the time: Fedoras, too tight clothing, scarves, thick glasses, manicured facial hair, the works! I don't really associate with them (actually, I don't interact with most people, that's why I'm here), but they still manage to irritate me in classes. But yeah, hipsters are an annoying thing to see in public.

[fg42lol]

Underdude, on 23 September 2011 - 09:51 PM, said:

Cheap whiskey? It's your fault then.

Jack Daniels. just cheaper pricing.

[Mrknot]

The only thing that bugs me more than Hipsters are Trustafarians.
Dirty, stinking, wanna-be, hippies.

[zbuddy]

I go to one of the nutty liberal UC's and I know your pain. Granted, the hipster females do not bother me much because just about everyone on campus is 'If it is mainstream, it isn't cool, if Rachael Maddow said it - it is accurate and true, eating animals is bad, I want to work for an NGO/Non-profit for life, I am getting a degree in something that is mildly humorous (and getting bad grades, I might add).

I tried to burn through all of my classes so that I could bail out early and hit up graduate school ASAP, but I am stuck on campus for the next two terms. Hey, at least the chick drinks beer - right?

[rowdyrugby]

[fg42lol]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Cornflakes]

Aww crap, I think I'm a hipster, I do have a collection of knitted hats, thick buddy holly style glasses that i don't need (I have 20/20 vision)and too many t-sirts with retro designs on them. I'm not a fan off Iron madien, but I wiil admit that after 5 years of living with various Iron Madien fan Bruce Dickenson is epic.

As for the band 'The Muffs' they aren't that out there, if you watched Clueless or Buffy you've heard or them. They are a typical 90's pop punk band, they remind me of 'Hole'.


I do have a thing for trying to find obscure bands that noone has heard of. But then I wonder if I cancel out the hipster in me with the nerd in me. I have at many times gotten into debates with mates at bars over which Power Ranger would win in a fight or my personal fave is who would win in a fight Neil Gaiman or Grant Morrison, my money is on Grant. Though anytime I try to act cool a little voice in my head goes 'You still watch cartoons and have a poster of subzero in your bedroom.'

[SWAT Zombie]

I've always wondered who'd win a fight between Catweazle and Worzel Gummidge.

If the Subzero poster is the Subzero from Mortal Kombat then I'm afraid that makes you very cool.

[Cornflakes]

My money is on Catweazle but then I never watched Worzel Gummidge. But really can anyone bet a 10th century wizard and his frog?!?!

Then it is decided the poster stays and I'm cool! Yay time to do a happy dance.

[zbuddy]

I am pretty certain that you are, in fact, a hipster CornFlakes. :-[

[fg42lol]

I can't identify foreign hipsters.... Cornflakes, do you drink PBR and smoke american spirits? do you even HAVE those two things over there?

[Cornflakes]

zbuddy, on 27 September 2011 - 11:15 PM, said:

I am pretty certain that you are, in fact, a hipster CornFlakes. :-[

Ta, though its not too bad I've accepted it, now for my next aim, to become uber hipster, like 'Queen of Hipsters' has a nice ring to it.

Whats PBR? and I don't smoke. Jameson and lemonade is usally my poison or if its beer I usally go for Tyskie, you gotta hand it to the Polish, plus its not that expensive compared to other beers.