Weapons 102: The ones you DON'T want to have

[Faran Brigo]

We have tons of threads about the "best" weapon, I think at least 3 or 5 talking about the gun you'd want to have, but what about weapons you're better off without?

Don't get me wrong, you use what you have, and this is all relative, but still, I figured it would be interesting to visit the other pantheon, the one of the crap you're better off ditching or ignoring unless there's absolutely nothing better at hand. That said, here's my 2 cents, and I'll start with common newbie choices:

Chainsaw: Mean, menacing, and it's got sharp, pointy teeth, the chainsaw looks like an attractive first choice if you want to take off some limbs. Everybody loves them...

Until you actually carry one around for hours on foot, just ask any lumberjack or professional landscaper. Noisy, bulky, and requiring a steady flow of petrol, the chainsaw is probably as much of a threat (if not more) to your own survival than to the zombies, thanks to the difficulty of properly controlling that kind of blade and using it on a moving target incapable of feeling pain or fear trying to bite you. You need to sever the zombie's head, and you can only take one target at a time, and you'd dispatch them faster with a hammer or axe to boot.

The veredict IMHO: Best left to its original function, cutting wood.

Desert Eagle (excluding baby eagle models): Large, high profile, shinny, large, powerful, intimidating and did I say large? Desert eagles to date have to find a market other than their usual niche; hollywood, colector's guns or gun aficionados that want to have a pistol that can bring down a bear, and for good reason.

The latest production model is about as heavy as some submachineguns without the round capacity, auto fire, or the inherent greater ease of use of a shoulder weapon (over a pistol that is) and of course it's not as accurate. It's also unreliable, clumsy unless you have big hands, and the recoil is very problematic.

The veredict IMHO: This eagle doesn't fly, ditch it as soon as you find a smaller (9mm/.45/.40 pistols) or larger (smg, assault/semiauto rifle) firearm.

Flame weapons: Burn baby burn! fire has been used as a weapon since ancient times, and certainly zombies are flammable. Petrol will probably be widely available (or more so than ammo) until reserves go bad, and styrofoam makes a decent, abundant thickener. You could even take out multiple zombies with one "shot", a perk few other weapons share with man's oldest non canine friend.

Unfortunately it's also one of man's oldest enemies. Weather and battlefield conditions might make you fry along with (or instead of) the rotten ghouls. Fire does not kill instantly either, and there's a good chance of trading hungry moving corpses for hungry moving corpses on fire, not a good deal by any extent of the term. You might end up destroying valuable shelter or supplies as well.

The veredict IMHO: Out of special applications where it shines (body disposal, clearing ground/buildings, anti-marauder terror weapon), fire belongs on your stove, not your holster.

Improvised weapons: Use your creativity! duct tape and icepicks, broomhandles, golf clubs, if you can lift it, it's a weapon!

...Of course just because you can hit something with it, it doesn't mean it will be effective. In some cases, you're better off running than trying to kill a zed with golf clubs.

The veredict IMHO: Avoid if you're not McGyver. If you are, then why the hell haven't you solved the undead rising then? need WD40 and duct tape!?

[IronJayBee]

Makes sence, never liked the Desert Eagle but i agree, weapons that are too heavy to carry with you, weather or not it is powerful, is too dangerous for you lug around, basically, if you go for a chainsaw, good knowing ya

[mil-collector]

cricket bat and phone cord.

[mattifikation]

Pepper spray!

Hmm.. worse than a chainsaw... a HACKSAW. :-p

[AN OLD SHOE]

nun-chucks (spelling?)

those are useless.....

brass knuckles...useless...

[mattifikation]

All those new rifles that are trying to be the next m16. The Sig 556, the FN Scar, the Robinson Arms XCR, and so-on. I'm sure they're great guns, but if you've gotta put your name on a 6 month waiting list to get one *now,* what the heck are you gonna do if a part breaks in a zed outbreak?

[Victor Clark]

I would say the most useless weapon would be a knife. While stabbing a living person would kill them if at the right location of the body, a knife to a zombie would be like stabbing a piece of dead meat. Literally.

[Darkness]

Originally Posted by Victor Clark

I would say the most useless weapon would be a knife. While stabbing a living person would kill them if at the right location of the body, a knife to a zombie would be like stabbing a piece of dead meat. Literally.

"I think that all depends on the size or the knife and if you know how to use it."


"I think a whip would be a useless weapon. No way I could kill a zombie with my whip."

[mattifikation]

Apparently you haven't played enough Castlevania :-p

[Shadowalker191]

Originally Posted by Darkness

"I think that all depends on the size or the knife and if you know how to use it."


"I think a whip would be a useless weapon. No way I could kill a zombie with my whip."

Now what kind of whip we talking about? Bull or a flogger? :P

[Darkness]

Originally Posted by mattifikation

Apparently you haven't played enough Castlevania :-p

"No, but I have done a lot of real life play with real whips, and I know that even a twelve foot barbed bull whip will do you no good. Now, a barbed riding crop MIGHT be a different story. But I think that would be just as useless."

Originally Posted by Shadowalker191

Now what kind of whip we talking about? Bull or a flogger? :P

"All your gonna do with a Flogger is slowly beat their flesh off, while it gnaws on your leg."

[mattifikation]

A lightsaber.

Here you are, caught in an alleyway with one way out, and that way is blocked by 100 zombies. They know you're there, and they're coming.

You pull out your lightsaber. "Shhhyooommmmmm!" You turn it on. You've practiced for this. This is where you will shine, you are going to make zombie stew out of these zeds.

The first zombie lounges. You skillfully move out of the way and send it stumbling into a bunch of garbage cans. Zombie number two makes his move, but you kick him backwards and swing your lightsaber... "Vwwummmm..."

You missed! Zombie one has crawled back out of the garbage, and zombie two has already recovered from your kick. Zombies three and four are closing fast..

"Vwwumm! Vwummm!!" You missed again, twice!

Wait a minute! Something isn't right! You trained for this. You know what you're doing, and these are zombies, they don't even know how to dodge!

"Arrrrghhh!!" You cry out! You've been bitten! The zombie horde is closing in, all hundred of them now. You suddenly realize that you won't even get to come back as a zombie! You're just going to be completely devoured by the living dead!

How could this be? What went wrong? And then, it hits you. Your last thought. Your fatal mistake. Unlike zombies....

.... There's no such thing as lightsabers!!!

OH SNAP!

[fester_hicks]

weapon i dont wanna have...

a replica sword...

19.99 katana that breaks in the air...

BAD MOJO

[Onslaught]

Originally Posted by fester_hicks

weapon i dont wanna have...

a replica sword...

19.99 katana that breaks in the air...

BAD MOJO

i'll second that!!

any sword you can buy in a mall or sporting goods store.

any "katana" or similar sword that you can buy for less than $350.
on second thought any katana at all. the reasons are numerous.

any blade thinner than 3/16".

any blade designed for clearing brush.
i don't care if you saw it cut through a branch the size of a silver dollar in one swing. just because it can be used as a weapon once or twice does not make it a weapon.

any bat with a hole in it for any reason.
go ahead, sink nails into your louisville slugger. it will break. and before it breaks, it will get stuck in a skull.

any aluminum bat.
it will dent. once it dents it will do one of two things: fold or crack. either one and you're out a weapon.

to anyone considering the chainsaw, i urge you to perform this simple test:

go out into your front yard and cut into a roast with a chainsaw. now look at the chainsaw, your clothes, and all of your neighbors (who are now looking at you). the neighbors represent all of the zombies that would have heard you and the meat and juice covering your clothing represents zombie slurry that you are now covered in.

any blade that when bent stays bent.

most blunt objects.
there's a reason we don't just use hammers hammers to chop wood.
it's basic physics folks. more surface area = more force to do the same work. have you ever walked through snow in sneakers? have you ever walked across snow in snowshoes? your weight is the force, the snow is the resistance. by dividing your weight across a larger surface area, you lessen your impact on the snow. now figure that the sweet spot on a bat is about 1 square inch. all of the force you generate is divided by that one square inch. anybody want to guess the square inches on the sweet spot of a blade? let's say it's something like .01.

so lets say that you swing with about 60 lbs (lets just say).
60 lbs /1sq"= 60psi.
60lbs /.01sq"= 6000psi
remember psi = lbs per square inch. decrease square inches while maintaining the lbs and you get more force.

some will say that blades create an increased infection risk due to zombie blood. not at all. zombies blood is thick and coagulated. it will not splatter like an evil dead movie when hacked into with a blade. (maybe a chansaw though).

any type of shear or scissors.
really folks? this isn't clocktower, and clocktower was lame anyway. if you're strong enough to decapitate a zombie with shears, you don't need the shears. just tear their heads off with your hands.

anything that will take multiple hits to incapacitate a single zombie.
if you are in a situation where you need to use a close combat melee weapon to kill a zombie you are in pretty bad shape or trying to be stealthy. in either scenario, you don't want to have to sit there and whack on this thing's head for any period of time. one hit. one re-kill. anything more will get you bitten by the next zombie or draw the attention of more.

[Behemoth]

Would a stun gun work on a zombie? If not they get my vote.