My 1st Zombie Story...

[Redstar]

Alrighty, I'm re-doing this post since the whole story is finished & online now. :drinking:

What if the undead rose from their graves to devour the living, and the only living human left was...Hank Williams Jr?

Hope you guys enjoy & feel free with the feedback!

Click Here to read (http://mywebpages.comcast.net/libertyleague/bocephus.doc)

[_Z_]

I like it a lot. Hank Williams Jr. as the hero is genius. Well-written and entertaining, imho!

[DrDead]

Awesome, keep it up. The finger sucking kid was a nice touch, so was charlie daniels, hank williams jr, and the atlanta falcons. You might throw in Paris Hilton in a future chapter and see what happens.. :drinking:

Drdead

[JFAK075]

Redstar,
I plan on printing the story out and reading it tonight. I'll post back after that and critique it. :clap:
-John

[evildead]

I will print it out and post my opinion later.

[JFAK075]

Redstar,
Just finished reading the first six chapters of Bocephus at the end of all things. I'll start my critique there, with the title. Now I had no idea what Bocephus meant, so the first thing I did was try and find it's definition. The word was not in the dictionary I have, and online what kept coming up with were links for Hank Williams Jr. I guess what I'm getting at is if a person is unfamiliar with Hank Williams Jr. they're not going to get you using Bocephus in the title.
Once I realized you were using Hank Williams Jr. as the main character of your story my first reaction was- this is silly. Thankfully the more I read the more I thought the idea was cool. Now I couldn't tell you the name of one of his hits. But, reading about him prompted me to research him a bit- I wanted to see what he looked like. I became interested in the character because he was Hank Williams Jr. Good call on using him.
The other critique came from my wife, who also read the first six chapters. She didn't care for the over use of profanities. I didn't have a problem there, but she felt a lot of it was unnecessary.
In any case we both look forward to reading more. :clap:
-John

[Redstar]

Thanks for the comments. I know not everyone will know the word 'Bocephus', nor will they be familiar w' ol' Hank, but I thought it was fairly apparent if you read the story that it was his nickname; no one knew what a 'Cthulu' was, but Lovecraft still put it in the title of a story once.
As far as the language goes, it ain't my fault...Hank just curses a lot :) . I imagine most good ol' boys would too, at the end of the world. Glad you liked it, tho!

[Dr Evil]

You should prob'ly consider submitting a short story to The Undead.

[Redstar]

Anybody else with any comments? 200+ views & only a couple people with opinions? Surely not...

Anyway, if anyone is interested in reading the second half of the story, let me know...

[JFAK075]

Redstar,
First off- I feel your pain. I posted the final Chapter to my Dio-Story Dead End and got only a couple of comments (Hey you didn't comment either! :lol: ). My thought on it- I think a lot of people do the reading, they just don't know what to say or don't have anything to add.
Anyway, yeah, I've been waiting to read more. It's been almost two weeks since I read the first six chapters. Post a link. I'll let ya know how it is.
-John

[Redstar]

John,
I read the last DEAD END & coulda sworn I commented on it :doh: ...but for the record it was the coolest thing to happen to GI Joes since the big firework clearance down the street from me in 1984!

I'll post the second half tommorow; gotta re-format a couple things. Thanks!

[JFAK075]

Red,
So what's up with the second instalment? :rimshot:
-John

[Redstar]

Ok here is the complete story; sorry it took so long but was having trouble w' my ftp the last couple of days. Hope ya enjoy!

CLICK HERE (http://mywebpages.comcast.net/moorglade/bocephus.doc)

[JFAK075]

Redstar,
Man, I can't believe it's been a month since I read the first half of your story. Well, last night I got to finish it (sorry it took so long). As a whole I really liked it. There's a few things here and there that need to be tightened up- but that's nitpicking really. As for my comment on it: if this was ten years ago this story would be a front runner for HBO's Tales from the Crypt. I could see this being a half-hour cable show. My wife thought the ending was depressing- I told her "Good, that's how it should be". Again, I really enjoyed it. Thanks for letting me read it.
-John
PS- anyone who hasen't read this story yet, get to it!