Funny Personal Stories?

[Victor Clark]

I couldn't find any threads like this, so what the hell? Do you have a funny story from your life you don't mind telling? Post it here!
I have a recent one I know I'll never forget.....

I have long hair, a boyish face and no facial hair, so a lot of people take one look at me and think I'm a woman. I didn't think it was that bad until this Christmas, when our neighbors across the street decided to be nice and give our family some gifts for the holidays. They didn't know our names because they never came over, so they just labeled them with who they thought was who. My parents got a gift labeled "Mom and Dad", my little sister got a gift labeled for "Little Girl", and my little brother got a gift labeled for "Little Boy". I looked for the gift for me, and when I found it it was labeled for "Teenage Girl".:lol: My own neighbors thought I was a girl! I know they were trying to be neighborly, and it was a nice flower printed stationary set they gave me, but my Mom says I shouldn't tell them I'm a guy and hurt their feelings. Hopefully someone will tell them, but if I get another girly gift next Christmas from them, I'm going to personally give it back and tell them why in my manly voice!

[nirvroxx]

I couldn't find any threads like this, so what the hell? Do you have a funny story from your life you don't mind telling? Post it here!
I have a recent one I know I'll never forget.....

I have long hair, a boyish face and no facial hair, so a lot of people take one look at me and think I'm a woman. I didn't think it was that bad until this Christmas, when our neighbors across the street decided to be nice and give our family some gifts for the holidays. They didn't know our names because they never came over, so they just labeled them with who they thought was who. My parents got a gift labeled "Mom and Dad", my little sister got a gift labeled for "Little Girl", and my little brother got a gift labeled for "Little Boy". I looked for the gift for me, and when I found it it was labeled for "Teenage Girl".:lol: My own neighbors thought I was a girl! I know they were trying to be neighborly, and it was a nice flower printed stationary set they gave me, but my Mom says I shouldn't tell them I'm a guy and hurt their feelings. Hopefully someone will tell them, but if I get another girly gift next Christmas from them, I'm going to personally give it back and tell them why in my manly voice!
hahahaha!! I have long hair too and have had experiences like that...anyway, once I was in the bathroom at the mall putting my hair up in front of the mirror, when I see a older man walk in...he looks at me, does a double take at me then goes outside and looks at the sigh to make sure its the mens restroom...haha...

[Boozbie]

Victor man, your gonna have some sort of complex latter in life because of this stuff.Your gonna end up doing a bunch of high risk stuff like bungee jumping/robbing banks.

Ok, i got a good one and like all funny stories it involves a shitload of fireworks!! So i worked a afternoon picking up after a fireworks show because they were gonna pay me in fireworks. So i got a backseat FULL of fireworks and there they sat for a couple months, but one day me and some friends were hanging out and they realized i had tons of things that go ,bang, sitting in my car.
So naturally we proceed to head out to set 'em off, but on the way we get into a bit of a fireworks battle on the highway. There was allot of jockeying for position, so we could throw mortar shells at each other. We finally get out to the back trails and from there it all out war! We're rallying around on this abandoned airport/old military compound/spider web of trails shooting these things at each others cars and trucks when my "friend" realizes that if you hold up one of those 24 shot mortar launchers and brace them against the roof you have a mobile rocket platform, the likes of which hasn't been seen since Vietnam!
The first set goes off without a hitch and were kicking there ass, he lights another one and as were maneuvering, i see a parked trooper (which was empty turns out) now I'm not gonna drive by this thing blasting off mortars left and right! I veer hard to the left and my "friend" drops this thing. It bounces off his arm and lands on the passenger seat floor.....now at about this point we both just look at each other and realize what just happened. With my soon to be last words, i state something along the lines of how, he is a m**herf**ker, and these things start going off!
I'll admit it i was kinda scared but in a way it was also funny as hell! Were both laughing in a mad with fear, complete adrenaline dump manner and cursing our asses off simultaneously. Were still going at about 30mph at this time but it was decided unanimously that bailing out was a good idea! There was problem though, it turns out, seat belts were not made to be taken off easily when the car is completely filled with smoke and exploding mortar shells. Who Knew? What is simple to do in a parking lot, not so simple when a inch and a half shell explodes between your legs.
These things are going off all around us, you cant see a inch in front of your face, the smoke is pretty noxious, and were still going like 25 mph. After multiply attempts to release the buckle, i get mine off and my "friend" just crawls out of his. We both dive out at about the same time, and as the car keeps rolling away were looking at each other and laughing like crazy people, happy just to be alive!
At this point I've forgotten to mention another friends old lady was sitting in the backseat. We had been joking with her that in a emergency (like now) the back door doesn't open from the inside.....so the car is rolling down the runway, and between blasts, we can hear her screaming. We sprint after the car and catch up, my "friend" gets to her door and as he's opening it she kicks out my back window. She gets out her hair is smoking as one of them blew up in her hair and shes crying.(Women?!)
The car comes to a stop, and the smoke starts clearing out, my car is on fire! so we put out fire after fire and after surveying the damage come to realize that the glove compartment has been blown apart, along with the door speakers, the back/driver seats were set on fire. There were little burn marks all over the cab. The crotch and ass of my pants were blown up and had good sized holes same with the other two, her hearing came back in a minute. the car still ran and i drove it home but i had to hold my head out the window because of the smoke residue all over the windshield so i couldn't really see.
The smell of sulfur never left it, but i drove the car like that, for another couple of months. We renamed the car "Battlebeast!" after that.

[zombiekilling101]

battlebeast lol.

poor lady.. and dumbshits!!!!!

[Some_Day...]

I couldn't find any threads like this, so what the hell? Do you have a funny story from your life you don't mind telling? Post it here!
I have a recent one I know I'll never forget.....

I have long hair, a boyish face and no facial hair, so a lot of people take one look at me and think I'm a woman. I didn't think it was that bad until this Christmas, when our neighbors across the street decided to be nice and give our family some gifts for the holidays. They didn't know our names because they never came over, so they just labeled them with who they thought was who. My parents got a gift labeled "Mom and Dad", my little sister got a gift labeled for "Little Girl", and my little brother got a gift labeled for "Little Boy". I looked for the gift for me, and when I found it it was labeled for "Teenage Girl".:lol: My own neighbors thought I was a girl! I know they were trying to be neighborly, and it was a nice flower printed stationary set they gave me, but my Mom says I shouldn't tell them I'm a guy and hurt their feelings. Hopefully someone will tell them, but if I get another girly gift next Christmas from them, I'm going to personally give it back and tell them why in my manly voice!



That is friggin hilarious!!! Why don't you write them a letter on the lovely stationary breaking the news to them? :lol:

[Strychnine]

haha ace stroy Boozbie.


Um...well mine is set at Download Festival 2005.
Me and my friend are sat in our tent drunk and stoned as hell.
Well im sure most of you know that when you smoke too much weed you can be struck by a serious cae of the 'giggles' at any time, and this time was no exception. SO were both sitting in our camping seats on the verge of peeing ourselves when my mates falls back off his chair.
Well hes laying there for a good 10-20 secs then askes me to help him up.
I lean down grab his arm and attempt to pull him up.
As i do so he starts screaming in pain. i help pick him up only to see his arm dangling limply. He has clearly popped his shoulder out of its socket. Well we both TOTALLY freaks out, we dont have a clue what to do. The shock kicks in on him and he runs out the tent, arm flailing behind him.
As he is sprinting out pale as anything, cussing and screaming, he doesnt see the guide rope of the tent next to us and trips up over it.
he gets up, and realises his arm is fully functional again.
What had obviously happened is he landed on his shoulder luckily popping it back into place!!
That was the craziest damn thing i have ever seen.

We were both pretty shaken after it and REALLY needed a drink, tho we eventually saw the funny side of it.

[Victor Clark]

I got another story that happened last fall.....

It was after school, and I driving back home in my tiny Toyota that can't even go up to 90 mph if I tried. On a straight part of the highway, a couple of the other student's cars tailgated and drove around me like I was driving like an old lady, which pissed me off. I started to speed up and try to catch up with them around this big curve, which I forgot had a back road off the middle of it that lead to a quarry. The cars quickly slowed down when a huge big-rig went onto the road, and since I was on their tails I freaked out. I slammed on my brake, and my car swerved off the road and onto an old couple's lawn! One of the cars in front of me stopped at the genreal store right next door to the house to see if I was all right, and the classmates of mine who were inside laughed their asses off about what I just did. The man that owned the house happened to be at the store so he saw what I just did. I apologized to the guy, raked up the small skid mark on his lawn and drove back home with a messed up front end that I recently had repaired as a Christmas gift. Luckily not many of the kids at school saw the accident, so it wasn't mentioned much.

[Boozbie]

Now i don't condone what happened in this next story but its a duesy...

I don't remember why or how this exactly came about, i think we were out drinking at the bars? We ended up going back to someones house where a new level of insanity took hold, everyone started hitting the bottle really hard, we got kicked out for yelling and being loud as all hell and wrestling. There were 4 of us when we left. i remember walking out the front door and blacked out and my other two friends were also blacked out everyone except this girl with us who filled in the lurid details a couple days later.
Well we hit the road and the driver didn't want to get pulled ove, so on the way to dropping her off he pulls off the road and starts driving on the bike path. So he doesn't draw attention, he turns off his headlights. We make it to her neighborhood but theres no way for a truck to get off the bike path, well undaunted he veers through a playground and then through someones backyard and whilst getting back on the road takes out a stop sign.
We drop her off and i come back at this point on the way out of her road theres a roundabout so instead of going around this thing he guns it and jumps it.the thing is on his truck, he didnn't have normal tires he had 22 inch rims and the jump kind of messes them up.
The tires on the right side go flat but he refuses to give up and utters the now famous "We're making it boys!" comment and keeps going. We make it to one of the busiest roads in Anchorage and were sitting on flats, he takes the turn were about 2 miles from safety when the truck starts jumping around and i look out the side and were blowing sparks everywhere and then the vibration gets really bad! It was like driving on square tires so we pull into Kinkos and get out and the front tire, rim, everything is completely missing. The back is missing a huge chunk but we had been driving on the axle for about half a block. So we bail and walk the rest of the way back in silence.

[Some_Day...]

Thank God you didn't kill someone you dumb f*cks

[nirvroxx]

you have some crazy ass stories boozbie!

the first time I got high story:

i was about 14, me and a couple of buddies had met up at a friends house after school, cause his parents "were gone for the weekend" anyway theres a about 10 of us in a backroom with 2 giant bongs being passed around...everything is goin fine until we hear the unmistakable sound of a shotgun being racked. you know the, "chuk-chik" sound...I look behind me and theres this bear of a woman holding a shotgun, yelling "get the **** out!"
well, instantly chaos erupts and all 10 of us scatter like roaches that just had the lights turned on them! theres dudes jumping outta windows and busting thru doors. a buddy and I bolt out to the backyard, hop a brick fence only to realize theres an angry pitbull waiting for us on the other side, so we hop back onto the fence and start walking across it like a ****in tightrope, all the while the pitbull on the other side trying his hardest to get up there and rip our balls off.
we finally get across the fence, hop down, look at each other and start laughing out of relief and a "what the **** just happened?" sort of way....we start walking down the street and hear the pitter-patter of claws on the floor, and guess who it is but our good friend ball ripper running towards us to say goodbye! guess we must have made an impression.I dont know why, but while running away my friend and I were lauging histerically despite the fact that our impending doom was closing in behind us...we get to a large van and climb up to the roof still lauging as the dog circles, barking and trying to jump up... after a couple of minutes the dog starts walking away and when it turns the corner my buddy and i jump off and walk home paranoid and scared.


o yeah, BTW, that shotgun tottin beast-woman was one of the parents that was "gone for the weekend" pffff, we never trusted that friend or went back to his house ever again.

[Boozbie]

Thank God you didn't kill someone you dumb f*cks

I'm not denying in the least that it was f*cking stupid as all hell! Honestly i am a walking breathing candidate for the Darwin Awards

[Some_Day...]

I'm not denying in the least that it was f*cking stupid as all hell! Honestly i am a walking breathing candidate for the Darwin Awards

Just as long as you agree you cracker :lol:

[Boozbie]

Is cracker used over in England as the same as here because if it is then yeah true that.

Well as long as I'm here might as well tell you about how i got arrested in Guantanamo Bay Cuba.

I was working on a tub boat running between Cuba and Jamaica and they didn't give us much time off probably for good reason but they decided what the hell enjoy yourself you got tomorrow off since me and the other deckhand didn't have to work the next day we'd take advantage of the night before to get drunk and not have to work with a raging hangover.

We head out to the only bar were really welcome at we would drink at the officers club but that didn't fly to well since the other guy threw up at the bar not on it mind you just grabbed a couple of glasses filled em up then ordered a water and a long island ice tea in full view of the bartender and oddly enough they served him.

Anyways we get drunk on double whiskeys. The bar closes and somehow i meet some people going to a party, I get in there car with them and as were driving around they can't find the party but i see a random collection of people that looks like it could be one so we crash it. They let us in and as Im talking to these to Filipinos and some asshole, i notice some 151 and grimace but, said asshole goads me into taking a shot then a shot after that and so i blackout.

From here on its all police reports and first hand accounts so i guess some cute Filipino girl was hitting on me and offered me a drink from a bottle of whiskey. As I'm taking my drink, said asshole, who was a off duty MP comes up and smacks the bottom of the drink so i hit my teeth. Since this is crossing the line i set the bottle down and proceed to knock this guy out cold well they kick me out and i disappear from the radar for a while.

i show back up passed out in someones lawn the paramedics were sent for me but when they send them they also send the MP's so when they wake me up i don't react all too well i kicked someone in the face and got another getting up they called for backup and 6 of them had to take me down pretty hard as my whole right side was bruised and i could feel knuckle marks on my brow and they had to choke me out because my neck was sore as hell.

Not over yet. So I come back out of my haze in the hospital, in my underwear, as there trying to stick needles and shit into me. I'm still not in right in the head and push the doctor back and once again they call for more backup. So they had me backed into the corner again and i had lost all sense as i was cussing them out and such. Goading them into one last round after a while the captain shows up and i give up peacefully. After a while they dropped the charges and everyone involved had a good laugh and learned a valuable lesson, the end.

[Mygeeto]

i once was listening to my ipod in class, and i decided to do something crazy, so i was talking to my girl-friend (not an actual GF but yer) and she dared me to get up on the table and start headbanging and stuff

now i dunno if any of you'se have ever heard the song Metal Warrios by a band called Manowar, but i got up on the table and SCREAMED at the top of my lungs with enough force to make the veins in my neck and head stick out, the words WIMPS AND POSERS, GET THE **** OUT! HEAVY METAL OR NO METAL AT ALL! as i pointed at the teacher.
i then turned around to the rest of the class and looked at them with the eye of the tiger and yelled COME ON, I SAID GET THE **** OUT!

the whole time my lady friend was laughing her ass off.. the teacher said something to me then which i cant remember what it was, but it made me scream and i fell off the table and landed on my back.. but then i got up and ran away.

[Good Eye Sniper]

i once was listening to my ipod in class, and i decided to do something crazy, so i was talking to my girl-friend (not an actual GF but yer) and she dared me to get up on the table and start headbanging and stuff

now i dunno if any of you'se have ever heard the song Metal Warrios by a band called Manowar, but i got up on the table and SCREAMED at the top of my lungs with enough force to make the veins in my neck and head stick out, the words WIMPS AND POSERS, GET THE **** OUT! HEAVY METAL OR NO METAL AT ALL! as i pointed at the teacher.
i then turned around to the rest of the class and looked at them with the eye of the tiger and yelled COME ON, I SAID GET THE **** OUT!

the whole time my lady friend was laughing her ass off.. the teacher said something to me then which i cant remember what it was, but it made me scream and i fell off the table and landed on my back.. but then i got up and ran away.
XD Impressive...That'll totally get you chicks:?

[hatefuldisplay]

My co-worker and I were sitting at the reception desk of our job one night. A guy approaches the front door of the business. He looks pretty crusty, with dirty clothes, unkempt hair, cheap looking sunglasses, and shower shoes.

My co-worker noticed him first and remarked, "What the **** is that?"

The guy comes inside and turns out to be my co-worker's cousin. She was completely humiliated. This was months ago and I still make fun of her about it on occasion.

[Barbara]

This story will only put a stamp on my stupidity but I think it bears being told on the internet.

Last football season. My father and I we're watching a Ravens game and this conversation follows.

ME : Dad? Who's "D.Pickett" ?
Dad : Huh?
ME : "D.Pickett", alot of the fans are holding up signs with his name. Look...a "D" and a pickett fence.
Dad : *looks* Your not serious...
ME : No. ANd he's like on every team.
Dad : I had such high hopes for you...
ME : What?..

Only did I realize later that the "D.Pickett" sign was acutally "Defense" (De-Fence).

Yeah. Would you believe I received a 1400 on my SAT's??

[Boozbie]

Hey when it comes to football I'm hugely ignorant i was forced to watch a game with a group of guys once and just making conversation asked how many quarters were in a game. I've never watched a game of football before but deduction says that a quarter is 1 in 4, right? Nether less i looked kinda slow at that point.

[Victor Clark]

If we're talking about dumb questions, my Dad has to have a mention here. Last summer I was watching TV in my room when I heard my Dad uptairs say, "Hey Victor! How do you spell 'cocktail?'" I was astonished that my Dad would ask me something like that (of course, he didn't graduate High School :roll: ), but I didn't pause and just spelled it "C-O-C-K-T-A-I-L". And from upstairs I heard him say "Wow, I was close!" :lol:

[Simply Pimpalicious]

Several months ago, two friends and I went to a beer festival. Knowing I would be too tanked to drive home, I got a room at this low-rent hotel across the street from the coliseum hosting the beer fest.

It seems throughout the course of the evening, I never told my friends what room we were in. The last thing I remember about the festival was being told there were only five minutes left. Somehow I got separated from my buddies and the next thing I remember, it's two in the morning and I'm waking up in the room with no memory of walking (across a major, busy highway, btw) back there.

Thankfully, my friends were passed out in the other bed, but I couldn't find the key to the room. Turns out, after walking around the entire place, they found me in the room, passed out with the door wide open, key still hanging in the knob. This motel also had a night club underneath it, and this night just happened to be hip-hop night, so there were plenty of gangster types and hookers rolling around. I'm lucky my ass didn't get robbed or worse.

Over the next few days small pieces of my memory started coming back to me. I remembered getting back to the hotel and trying to call a cab to go back out to another bar. Evidently I was too drunk to operate the phone, so I went into the office to get them to call a taxi for me. I can only guess that they convinced me of my level of intoxication and sent me back to my room to sleep.

I read somewhere later that drinking was bad for you...so I quit reading. :lol:

[Boozbie]

I'm going to a beer festival this weekend 20 bucks at the door and all you can drink (moowAHHAHAHAH!!!!) I might end up with a funny story or just a plain old fashioned good time. Either way i'm wearing clean underpants with a button fly, i have a habit of ending up in my underwear for some reason or another alot.... its a good thing im not extremely comfortable with my body, i just had this mental picture of myself drunkenly trying to cook eggs in the nude. Haha i want to make this into a poster and give to to people as a gift.

[hatefuldisplay]

i have a habit of ending up in my underwear for some reason or another alot.... its a good thing im not extremely comfortable with my body, i just had this mental picture of myself drunkenly trying to cook eggs in the nude. Haha i want to make this into a poster and give to to people as a gift.In case I'm on your holiday gift list, please cross me off now. Thanks. :scare:

[Boozbie]

It would be quite tasteful, i guarantee. Anyways I looked into getting some posters made and they print them in batches of something like 250. I dont think i want that many posters floating around. Hell I dont even know close to that many people i'd just be giving them to strangers sooner or later. So that plans on hold for a while.... maybe if i run for public office some day then it will be a go.

[hatefuldisplay]

When I was working in a juvenile correctional facility, one of our residents was in an intervention for exposing himself to a female staff member. Three of us were involved in the intervention and the resident was being dishonest about the situation. At one point, after discussing the resident's exposure of his penis for several minutes, my co-worker used the worse possible line to state his disbelief by stating, "I find that hard to swallow." The other staff member and myself had to step off briefly to avoid laughing at the poorly-timed comment and we gave him shit about it for months after.

[skullwarrior]

wow some weird stories in here.. one time my friend and i were waiting for a bus and we were dressed in heavy clothes. my friend in black denem pants and a black shirt and me in blue jeans and a shirt and we were talking to each other and out of nowhere this old guy calls me and my friend wiggers and we just looked at him at starts making snide comments at him. my friend and i just laughed at the whole thing later cause it was so stupid.

[DarthJoe8]

This story will only put a stamp on my stupidity but I think it bears being told on the internet.

Last football season. My father and I we're watching a Ravens game and this conversation follows.

ME : Dad? Who's "D.Pickett" ?
Dad : Huh?
ME : "D.Pickett", alot of the fans are holding up signs with his name. Look...a "D" and a pickett fence.
Dad : *looks* Your not serious...
ME : No. ANd he's like on every team.
Dad : I had such high hopes for you...
ME : What?..

Only did I realize later that the "D.Pickett" sign was acutally "Defense" (De-Fence).

Yeah. Would you believe I received a 1400 on my SAT's??

that's funny :poo:

[Victor Clark]

I have a funny moment that happened to me just a few days ago....

I went into a Wal Mart to get myself a phone card for my cell phone. When I went to the cachier, the total came up to about $21, and since I had only $20 on me I had to pay with my debit card. I opened my wallet, paid the amount, got my receipt, and just as I was about to leave, an old man behind me said "Excuse me, I think you dropped something." I looked down, and saw that a condom I kept in my wallet was on the floor! I grabbed it as quick as I could, took my phone card and ran like hell out of the store. :lol:

[Commander Ambrose]

I have a funny moment that happened to me just a few days ago....

I went into a Wal Mart to get myself a phone card for my cell phone. When I went to the cachier, the total came up to about $21, and since I had only $20 on me I had to pay with my debit card. I opened my wallet, paid the amount, got my receipt, and just as I was about to leave, an old man behind me said "Excuse me, I think you dropped something." I looked down, and saw that a condom I kept in my wallet was on the floor! I grabbed it as quick as I could, took my phone card and ran like hell out of the store. :lol:
lololol dude


Me and my two best Friends(one a girl) went to Oktoberfest last year and after about 5-10 drinks, a guy started hitting on my friends that was a girl and she didn't like him. After about 2 minutes, she backed off and he chased and i sucker punched him in the stomach and him gave me a black eye. Saddly, cops like this fesival and three saw us. Since it was oktoberfest, one was close to drunk and the others were ex-army dudes. One army dude and drunken one came at me to stop me while the other got the other guy. My other friend managed to persuade them to let me go and they arrested the guy. After half a second, my friend(guy) drove me and my other friend home
and she decided to stay to make sure i didn't go back. When i got sober about 2-3 hours later, She told me what happened and thought that was noble. I did the "It was nothing" line she became my girlfriend and then later that week i learn that i am not allowed to Oktoberfest again. that really made me laugh, angry, and sad at the same time